May 16, 2023

Start Where it Matters Most

Start Where it Matters Most
Shivana Khoza
Start Where it Matters Most

Hey! Can I ask you to stop for a second and let's have a quick heart to heart? This is important, because you are important!⁣

Are you running from one thing to the next?⁣ 🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️

Juggling work deadlines? In a job that pays well, but still leaves you feeling overlooked and burnt-out?⁣ 😣

What about those chores? Meals for your kids, homework, activities, and those social events?⁣

Trying to get some you time in… sure, you shower daily, and practice the basic musts of hygiene… 🚿🪥

But you can see your haircut is long overdue, perhaps your body aches from months longing for a massage… or maybe it is just the desire for 3 hours of undisturbed quiet, if you can just get that...⁣ Or a date night... even once a month...⁣

All of these demands have taken a toll, and continue to extract a pricey sacrifice from you. ⁣😵‍💫😧

If you can just get one thing to work the way you want, that would be a good start... And if that one thing is keeping and growing the closeness with your spouse, then that would be BEYOND GOOD!⁣ 💕

Then you stumbled on a post that promised some useful tips, but a quick scroll to the end says it is waaaaaayyyy too long and you just don’t have the time to read it now!

So off you go again to the next thing that’s screaming for your time, energy and attention...⁣🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽

Meanwhile, the joy and fulfillment continue to seep away... ⁣

How did life get so crazy, and where is the fulfillment that all this effort and activity promised?!⁣

Well, I know you are busy, stressed, working hard to be the best you can be in every area of life. ⁣

Breathe... At the very least, look yourself in the mirror and say,

“𝗛𝗲𝘆, 𝗜’𝗺 𝗽𝘂𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲... 𝗜’𝗺 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗮𝗹𝗹. 𝗜’𝗺 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁.”

⁣But hang on just a minute more... 🤚🏽🤚🏽

Before you go, can I also share some quick tips you can use with your partner? This will help you to keep your partnership a sweet sanctuary, even if the rest of life’s demands are clamoring for your attention:⁣

✅ 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗻𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 💕– schedule it and make it non-negotiable!

Start with once a month if that is all you can manage for now. But set it and keep the commitment. Make sure the kids are either with a sitter, at family, or if they are old enough, let them know this is a “𝗱𝗼-𝗻𝗼𝘁-𝗱𝗶𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗯” time and zone (except in life or death situations).⁣

✅ Make a habit of 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝘁 𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 when you talk (except when driving!).

Don’t look at screens, the newspaper (are those still around?!), phones... Our eyes reveal our hearts, often more than words... So look at each other more, after all, another way to convey intimacy is into-me-see... Practice really seeing each other.⁣

✅ Reignite passion by being intentional with 𝗘𝗫𝗣𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗦𝗜𝗡𝗚 appreciation to each other, for each other.

Make it a daily ritual of 𝗧𝗘𝗟𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗚 your partner one thing you admire about them, or that you are really thankful for about them. (I call this the “daily honor”... my husband and I have been practicing this for over 12 years so I can say with certainty, it works!)

Clearly, I am emphasizing that this is about expressing, actually communicating the appreciation. Too often, we think our partners should know we appreciate them. And sure, they probably know... but think about how you will make them FEEL when you express it! ⁣🥰🤗

I kept it to three tips because I know you’re busy and I did not want you to miss this by scrolling past if it was just too long...⁣

So there, now go book that first date and tell your partner one thing you love about him/her. Yes, take action now! Your partnership is one of the most important relationships and priorities, so act with the urgency it deserves! ⁣

Can I let you in on another secret before you go? When we start to improve in one area of our lives, that positive change starts to spread into the other areas too... Life is multi-dimensional. To be the best leader we want to be, to advance in our careers, we have to look at all areas of our lives. Start in the area that matters most to you.

I shared here about protecting the partnership with a spouse or life partner, because that is usually one of the most important relationships we have. But even if you are single, or divorced, you can still apply these principles to improve the important relationships in your life. The quality of relationships we have nourish our lives, and helps us to be the best versions of ourselves.

So give it a try! ⁣And let me know how it goes, I'd love to celebrate your win with you!

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